The Dirty Truth About Your Facebook Habits and Timeline

You Know the Drill.

You do it every day. Your thought process, the same. It seems that Facebook lost most of it’s lust and due to your addictive habits and muscle memory, you keep checking the same pointless news feed. What else are you supposed to do when your not getting that text you want and you’re sitting there in the doctors office, or trying to study for a midterm.

Like this Post or You Hate Babies

Scanning the feed, you enjoy the occasional girl calling out her now old BFF with a slutty picture, or the funny update your friend probably stole from another comedian. But you can’t stand the majority of useless information people complain about. How about some pointless political status from someone who probably has no idea what they’re talking about. Or my personal favorite, the adorable puppy picture that tells you to like or you will go directly to hell. How did you miss it? You knew the great creator would stand at the gates of heaven, grab you by the shirt, and throw you back down once he noticed your lack of Facebook repost and likes on your life’s resume.

I’m a Stalker and I know it

Sometimes you just need your space and a quick four hours to check your ex’s new picture gallery, get pissed, and then go to the other person you think is hot’s page. Time to tell yourself you can do better and send that hottie a regrettable and desperate message they will probably ignore for a few weeks.

What about the other 30-80% of people you’re friends with? Are they filler noise that you could do without? Do you go to their page to feel better about yourself? You can’t just delete them–then you will never talk to them again…

Useless is a Harsh Word for Facebook Friends

There are people like Jenny, the chick from high school who has that Nickleback CD you wanted to burn so bad–it has that one amazing song you don’t like anymore. Who knows, you might like it again someday, and she has that CD. So, Jenny is definitely a keeper. And don’t forget about Jerry. You met at your cousin’s party, in Omaha, at that one Halloween party.You both had a deep conversation for a full 13 minutes about life and how he liked the Ninja Turtles when he was 5 too. Jerry, I love when you post the picture of nasty food you probably spent way too much time cooking. Looks like veggies and vomit. You are a great Facebook friend, sir.

Other Favorite Facebook Posts You Should Read:

The picture below was made by College Humor and caps this rant off quite well. This takes the timeline and tells you what is really going on in the Facebook Matrix. Enjoy.

Made by Caldwell Tanner and Susanna Wolff. Posted on BookFaked.