How to have a Boyfriend and Guy Friends
Boyfriend vs. Guyfriend
Ok, Ladies. This is how to have a boyfriend and guyfriend from a boyfriend’s perspective.. It’s a tricky situation that varies from couple to couple but here are some general guides to use if you are to maintain a healthy relationship. Some of these suggestions are based by experience and conversations with other students who both have had relationships fail, and succeed through guy friend related problems. When a boyfriend hears that you have a “guy friend” we assume the friend likes you and would get with you if he had the chance. We know how most guys operate and our true intentions. We’re in college and the majority of us just have one thing in mind. With that said, we need to limit jealousy. Being too jealous is just being insecure, and restricting a girl will only push her away. Also, jealousy can lead to an uncomfortable game of making the other more jealous and then eventually break up anyways…
This article assumes the following list (if any of these aren’t met then you are addressing the wrong problem):
- You’re in a relationship with communication and trust.
- Both of you actually want to be in a relationship.
- You are happy in your current relationship.
- The guy you are friends with is straight.
- You intend on having no feelings for guy friend as more than a friend.
How We See Guy Friends
There are many things in this world boyfriends are more fond of than your guy friends. Regardless, we need to learn to deal with them. No matter what girl we date, she probably has a few guy friends. It’s given. You should be allowed to have guy friends (just “friends”). You’ve had them before so limiting you to only interact with girls is unreasonable. If a you can’t keep your nose clean with your guy friends then you’re not worth our time anyways. How you go about having a guy friend makes all the difference in the eyes of us. You should be considerate in how your friendships come off to us. Here are the guidelines which are most important to having both guy friendships and a boyfriend:
Analyze the Friendship
Analyze the situation and context of said friendship. Why do you want to be friends with him? Why does he want to be friends with you? There is no possible way to cover every scenario so here is the official LTCL guyfriend approval Self Test to make sure this is an acceptable or unacceptable guy friend. Ask yourself the following questions. If any of these are answered as yes, you should probably not have this friend:
Self Test
- Would this friend make an attempt to hook up with you if you were both drunk?
- Has he admitted that he likes you as more than a friend?
- Does he hook up with a lot of girls?
- Would he stop hanging out with you if he were to have a new girlfriend?
Good friendship situation:
Your friend is considerate and respecting to both you and your boyfriend. You see him much like you would a family member. If you at one point you did hook up, long ago, try to assure your boyfriend it wouldn’t happen again. You can hang out and have fun with guy friends, later we will give some examples of acceptable activities to do with your guy friend.
Bad friendship situation:
There is a long list of things that would not be acceptable involving the girlfriend (your) side of this but because you’ve already passed the implied list in the beginning of this article as well as the self test we won’t cover what would be unacceptable for you.
NO-GO, if you have a guy friend who is still actively into you. He probably doesn’t care you have a boyfriend. Most guys could care less. If we like a girl and are able to get her to cheat on her boyfriend that’s ego boost gold! We go to our buddies, tell them the story, exaggerate and maybe make up a few fun facts to boast our accomplishment. Just how it is. If he says he’s cool with just being friends after saying he still likes you, BS. If he would rather hang out with just you and not your boyfriend, red flag, that’s not okay.
Introduce Guy Friend to Boyfriend
Guys like to be reassured they are the one you like and that they don’t have anything to worry about, remember that. Be considerate and let him know everything and address any issues he might have. If you aren’t clear about the situation or leave anything out, it will create doubt. If he has nothing to worry about you should have no problem letting him know the situation.
Introduction should be done in a party or social event. Calling your friend over and just introducing them would just be awkward and there should be no reason to schedule a time just to meet a friend. Also, this guy better fluent in expected bro-rules and “guy friend” behavior.
If you were to hang out with this guy friend (after introduction to boyfriend), event should revolve around a non date type of situation. Also, keep it limited. If you’re always going to lunch with your friend, might be a problem. It’s uncomfortable for a boyfriend to know that and can come off as sketch. Ask your boyfriend if he thinks its okay and make sure he knows you went out! When you see your friend you can do things such as:
- Getting lunch at a low-key joint such as Bread Co. or Mikey D’s.
- Hanging out with mutual friends.
- Study together on campus.
If you haven’t already, check out our LTCL article, Can Guys and Girls be Just Friends— also has some info on guy friends. I’ts true that reguardless of all this information your guy friend might still like you as more than just a friend. These situations are subjective so you should also rely on your gut feeling. If you are considerate, and you’re boyfriend and guyfriend understand the situation then you should be fine.
If you think we forgot something, let us know with a comment below…
Alex Cruz
Is it really acceptable for your girlfriend to hang out with another guy exclusively?.. just seems like bad relationship ethics and should be in a group environment
Thanks for the feedback! I think if there are only good intentions and shes trustworthy you should be able to trust her. If its something she does frequently I would def. say something is wrong with her perception of friends.
Lovely ideas as always! I like this content bcoz why I have too many friends and I got friendship by taking these tips in myself. I suggest every single women must apply these tips as always. thanks!
Thanks, Lisa. I hope they come in handy and help avoid issues.
So here’s my situation…My girlfriend and I went to the same high school, and started dating in college. She has been friends with one of my teammates from football in high school (he goes to the same college as us) since high school. During high school, he hooked her up with someone she ended up having sex with, in which he “egged it on”. Now in college, when we’re drinking or out, she’ll drunkenly call him or text him. They go to the dining halls together (as friends). Now that he lives off campus, they still plan lunch dates, where he comes all the way to campus to have her “swipe” him into the dining hall. He’s a good dude, and I’m not worried that the intentions are bad. I just don’t think that it’s okay for my girlfriend to have lunch one-on-one with a guy who she calls every time she’s drinks (by the way, she does this in front of me. It’s not the type of thing where she’s going out with her girlfriends and I hear about it). Am I wrong for being against it? I think principles are important.
Hey John,
I hope the article above was of use to you to start you off on the right foot here.
Sounds like you have a couple of different situations going though.
A few ground rules should be set between you and your gf that come from you and her talking about this. I would talk to her about specific things that bother you and things that bother her. Remember to approach this with confidence and not insecurity.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with her having him as a friend, but I do think a gf should have respect and control when she’s drunk, so I would personally think drunk dialing him is questionable.
I would also do as I mentioned above and hang out with your gf and bring him along as the “friend” so he can sense that your with her and that he should have his space.
I hope that helps you out my friend. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Alex
This was great advice!… Such a hard choice… when do i get mad and when do i let it go :-
Guy please help. Do you think am in the wrong goin for a drink with an old friend whilest i was in london for the weekend. I have know this guy friend for over 7 years and havnt seen him for about 6. I told my boyfriend we met up for 2hours and he flipped
Please, I need an urgent advice- next weekend I’m going on a business- related event with my boyfriend and would be meeting a guy-friend of mine( a classmate,who I haven’t seen for like 7 years, only met him once 5 months ago). So I need to have a really pleasant relation with this person because we need to do business together ( but I have hints that he might have a crush on me and he does not know about my boyfriend)… The meeting is held in another town, so he’s written to me that he has a spare room if I’d like to use it, so should I write to him in advance politely that I’d be staying somewhere else with MY BOYFRIEND,or should I not mention about my boyfriend until I introduce them in person at the event???? Please give me a piece of advice!