Freshman’s Guide to College: According to Jimmy Tatro

Lesson 1 Overview:

• First thing to do at college: Go to Dorms
• Your parents and RA will hit it off
• Your RA is not to be trusted
• One Beer = Party
• You Need Friends
• Kid from high school is not a friend
• Find kid who’s been written up. That is your new friend
• RA events are not where the cool kids go
• Use a box to sneak alcohol into dorm room

Lesson 2 Overview

• 99.9% of long boarders eat sh*t 100% more times than walkers
• If you have the balls to ride a scooter in college, don’t get hit by a truck
• It doesn’t matter how cool you were in high school
• Going to football games= cool
• NOT going to the football game cuz you were too drunk= coolER
• Long Distance relationships with college sweetheart – hahaha…

Lesson 3 Overview

• Don’t try and keep up at parties
• Guys: 2-3 shots don’t transform you into Ryan Goslin
• Stop trying to hookup with girl if she’s not interested
• Girls: Sometimes guys don’t want to make out with you either–imagine that?
• Studies show that while intoxicated, 65% of girls think they are much hotter than they actually are
• You’re going to be drinking cheap booze because that’s all you can afford
• Disguise crappy booze inside a used bottle of nice booze
• Mike’s Hard Lemonade or Smirnoff Ice = Vagina
• 89% chance person you’re talking to doesn’t care how well you know the guy who’s throwing the party
• Don’t bring up the fact that you are a freshman or anything to do with class while celebrating the fact that you are not in class