Important Things I’ve Learned from One Night Stands

Readers Advice

I can still remember the conversation.  I’d met a friend for happy hour at the Boathouse in Central Park.  Not a usual hang out, but it was the first really warm day of summer and we wanted to be outside and enjoy the park.

It had been weeks since we’d spoken and the first thing she said was, “Well, I had my first one night stand the other night.”

Her tone was very matter of fact and I couldn’t tell how she felt about it, so I asked.

I don’t remember her exact words, but I remember that she wasn’t happy. With herself. And she said that it was something she’d never do again.

And knowing her as well as I did, that made total sense to me. It was completely in keeping with who she is as a person.

One night stands are certainly not for everyone. For a lot of people, sex needs to be about more than just sex. There needs to be some kind of emotion involved. Love or at least sincere like.

I totally get that.

I don’t happen to be one of those people. Never have been.

For me, and for lots of other people, sex can be about sex. A physical act.  Sans emotion.

Now, I’ve written before about the fact that one night stands no longer do it for me. It’s a quality control thing. However, and I’m being serious here, I’ve learned  a few important things from one night stands that I wanted to share with you all today.

Important Things I’ve Learned From One Night Stands

(warning: disjointed list ahead)

1. Unshaven legs, granny panties, in need of a pedicure – it doesn’t matter to the man who wants to have sex with you.
2. Do not wear expensive lingerie out to a trashy bar. Just don’t.
3. A man can want to have sex with you AND dislike you as a person. A man can want to have sex with you AGAIN AND dislike you as a person, if the sex is good.  Sex is sex.  It would be wrong to mistake it for anything else.
4. One night stands can turn into relationships. Good, strong, solid relationships.  But they rarely do.
5. The only time I’ve ever felt bad after a one night stand was when the guy wouldn’t talk to me the next day (around his friends). I was young and oblivious and he was THE cool guy in town (I was visiting). I wasn’t cool enough to be his flavor of the week.  And when I realized that, in the morning, it hurt like hell.  Since then, I won’t go near a guy (for casual sex, dating, whatever) who won’t OWN being with me. I’m awesome and won’t ever allow myself to be treated like a 2nd class slut.
6. My self-esteem should have nothing to do with my sex life. It would take days to say everything I have to say about this.

[signoff]