Posted 11/13/12 by Cara Chiaramonte in Relationships & Sex

Understanding Women: What They Mean vs. What They Actually Say


lright, boys. You’re in a fight with your girl, and you don’t know what you did wrong. Oftentimes, women will reread conversations over and over again. But guys, usually just their boys for advice. The only problem with that is sometimes none of you will know what she means when she says, “It’s nothing” or “It’s not you, it’s me.”

As a woman, I can openly admit that we can be confusing as hell. To be honest, we don’t even know what we want or mean most of the time. But if you’re having a hard time understanding women, this is the article for you.

DISCLAIMER: Not ALL women are like this! And, unfortunately, there are many more meanings than the ones I’ve explained below. But this is a start!

Here are eight common phrases women think men usually misunderstand, and what they mean from a girl’s perspective:

1. I’m fine, or It’s nothing.

These phrases are one deadly duo. In women terms, nothing means something. Don’t ask me why, but this is our way of saying either, ”No shit, Sherlock. Obviously something is wrong,” or “Let it go for now, you’ll most likely find out later.” My advice is to just let her know that you are willing to talk to her about it when she’s ready, and leave her alone. Chances are she’ll come back in about 10 minutes anyway.


2. Go ahead, or Do what you want.

To put it simply: DON’T DO IT. Unfortunately, 99 percent of the time, women most likely mean the exact opposite of the words coming out of their mouths when they say something like this. As shady as they are, this is a test. She wants to see what you’ll do… so don’t fail.


3. Whatever.

Yeah. This is her way of telling you to shut up, and quit while you’re ahead. I’d just let this one go, because it will get worse with each word either of you say.


4. I love you.

She means it. These are three strong words for anyone, and you probably mean it regardless of whether you’re a male or a female. However, women are generally more communicative than men and may say the “L word” sooner than she would have liked. This may be a in-the-moment lapse in judgment, or she may be trying to keep you from leaving. Just use your instinct!


5. Do I look okay?

She’s looking for a compliment. To be honest, you should be telling her she’s beautiful before she even asks, but if it comes to this just say what you think. Don’t be too harsh, but if you don’t like what she’s wearing then tell her. She will probably be pissed at you for about five minutes, but trust me: if she’s confident enough, she’ll be thanking you by the end of the night.


6. We need to talk.

Just like women, men tend to freak out when they get a text saying these four small, yet powerful words. Unfortunately, women tend to only say this when they’re going to break it off. So if you want to know what she’s thinking, ask her straight up. If she drops the old, “I’d rather do it in person.” Prepare to be dumped or have a serious make-it-or-break-it conversation. Of course there is the possibility of her actually needing to tell you something important, but it all depends on the context of your relationship so use your better judgment.


7. It’s not you, it’s me.

AKA: It’s probably 90 percent you and 10 percent me. Women say this to try avoiding hurting the guy’s feelings, and it fails half of the time because men automatically assume something is wrong with them. That’s not always the case! Sometimes this is a girl’s way of saying she likes someone else, she’s not ready for a relationship, or she just isn’t feeling a connection.


8. Give me five minutes.

Prepare to wait another half-hour. Girls never need just five minutes, let’s be honest. She probably means it when she says it, but she will get distracted or realize she has forgotten something in about two minutes. My suggestion: sit down, relax, and watch the football game because you’ll probably get through another quarter by the time she’s finished.


In the end, it’s a fact; men and women are different, but they are also very similar. If the two of you aren’t communicating, chances are you both will be confused about the same things.

Hopefully these eight commonly misunderstood phrases helped you figure out what women really mean when they say certain things.

Cara Chiaramonte

Hailing originally from Long Island, NY, Cara is a second-year journalism major at the University of Florida also seeking minors in women's studies and leadership. She is a former Freshman 15 Representative for Seventeen magazine and contributes to the UF chapter of Her Campus weekly. Known as the loud girl with a big heart, Cara's passions include writing, having a good time, giving advice, living life to its fullest, keeping up with entertainment news and watching trashy reality-TV.Find out more about Cara at her website: carachiaramonte.wordpress.com