How to Avoid Bad Relationships
“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
— Maya Angelou
o I have a couple of short stories to share with you. And hopefully I’ll be able to tie them together in a coherent way. Hopefully.
Story #1: Learning the Basics
A long, long time ago (in a world that seems far, far away but is really just a subway ride from my apt) I used to supervise several departments/teams. And that means doing quite a bit of hiring and sadly, some firing. At one point, me and one of my team leaders were discussing a new hire. She’d started less than 2 weeks earlier and both he and I were disappointed with her performance. Especially since we’d done a lot of interviewing for the position and she really seemed a good match for the job and for the team.
I’ll never forget what he said (because it was just so damn smart).
Skip to Story #2: Connecting the Dots
I was having brunch with friends yesterday. And someone asked if I’d spoken to that guy I went out with a couple of times. And what, if anything, was happening with that. And so I told her that yes, we spoke (since I last wrote about it). And he knew that I was going to be out of town for most of the week, last week. And that, while there is a part of me that likes him, the smarter me is not willing to make an effort with him. Because his first few efforts have been so inconsistent. And I’m feeling like he might have shown me who he is. And that person is not someone I should date. Or maybe I am misreading the situation because he reminds me of other people. And so I am willing to be open and rethink. To a point. Maybe.
Here is what I know for sure, everyone loses when you live in denial. There is no excuse for not firing the lazy employee who’s showing up late and slacking off on her second week of work in the hopes that somehow things will get better. The sooner you fire her and move on, the better. And there is no excuse for dating someone who has already shown you that they don’t care about you/your feelings and are completely self-involved in the hopes that that will someday change.
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them. It’s damn smart advice. I just have to learn to live it. Everyday.
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