Men vs. Women – The Full Breakdown

Time to settle this. Men and Women have been fighting since the beginning of time. Someone needs to break things down and clarify some of the differences.

NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Chris, Mike and Brad go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Sh*t for Brains.

EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Chris, Mike and Brad will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none of them will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need, but is on sale.

BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush, toothpaste, razor, shampoo, soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change but doesn’t.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

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