Boyfriend vs. Guyfriend
Ok, Ladies. This is how to have a boyfriend and guyfriend from a boyfriend’s perspective.. It’s a tricky situation that varies from couple to couple but here are some general guides to use if you are to maintain a healthy relationship. Some of these suggestions are based by experience and conversations with other students who both have had relationships fail, and succeed through guy friend related problems. When a boyfriend hears that you have a “guy friend” we assume the friend likes you and would get with you if he had the chance. We know how most guys operate and our true intentions. We’re in college and the majority of us just have one thing in mind. With that said, we need to limit jealousy. Being too jealous is just being insecure, and restricting a girl will only push her away. Also, jealousy can lead to an uncomfortable game of making the other more jealous and then eventually break up anyways…
This article assumes the following list (if any of these aren’t met then you are addressing the wrong problem):
- You’re in a relationship with communication and trust.
- Both of you actually want to be in a relationship.
- You are happy in your current relationship.
- The guy you are friends with is straight.
- You intend on having no feelings for guy friend as more than a friend.
How We See Guy Friends
There are many things in this world boyfriends are more fond of than your guy friends. Regardless, we need to learn to deal with them. No matter what girl we date, she probably has a few guy friends. It’s given. You should be allowed to have guy friends (just “friends”). You’ve had them before so limiting you to only interact with girls is unreasonable. If a you can’t keep your nose clean with your guy friends then you’re not worth our time anyways. How you go about having a guy friend makes all the difference in the eyes of us. You should be considerate in how your friendships come off to us. Here are the guidelines which are most important to having both guy friendships and a boyfriend:
Analyze the Friendship
Analyze the situation and context of said friendship. Why do you want to be friends with him? Why does he want to be friends with you? There is no possible way to cover every scenario so here is the official LTCL guyfriend approval Self Test to make sure this is an acceptable or unacceptable guy friend. Ask yourself the following questions. If any of these are answered as yes, you should probably not have this friend:
Self Test
- Would this friend make an attempt to hook up with you if you were both drunk?
- Has he admitted that he likes you as more than a friend?
- Does he hook up with a lot of girls?
- Would he stop hanging out with you if he were to have a new girlfriend?
Good friendship situation:
Your friend is considerate and respecting to both you and your boyfriend. You see him much like you would a family member. If you at one point you did hook up, long ago, try to assure your boyfriend it wouldn’t happen again. You can hang out and have fun with guy friends, later we will give some examples of acceptable activities to do with your guy friend.
Bad friendship situation:
There is a long list of things that would not be acceptable involving the girlfriend (your) side of this but because you’ve already passed the implied list in the beginning of this article as well as the self test we won’t cover what would be unacceptable for you.
NO-GO, if you have a guy friend who is still actively into you. He probably doesn’t care you have a boyfriend. Most guys could care less. If we like a girl and are able to get her to cheat on her boyfriend that’s ego boost gold! We go to our buddies, tell them the story, exaggerate and maybe make up a few fun facts to boast our accomplishment. Just how it is. If he says he’s cool with just being friends after saying he still likes you, BS. If he would rather hang out with just you and not your boyfriend, red flag, that’s not okay.
Introduce Guy Friend to Boyfriend
Guys like to be reassured they are the one you like and that they don’t have anything to worry about, remember that. Be considerate and let him know everything and address any issues he might have. If you aren’t clear about the situation or leave anything out, it will create doubt. If he has nothing to worry about you should have no problem letting him know the situation.
Introduction should be done in a party or social event. Calling your friend over and just introducing them would just be awkward and there should be no reason to schedule a time just to meet a friend. Also, this guy better fluent in expected bro-rules and “guy friend” behavior.
If you were to hang out with this guy friend (after introduction to boyfriend), event should revolve around a non date type of situation. Also, keep it limited. If you’re always going to lunch with your friend, might be a problem. It’s uncomfortable for a boyfriend to know that and can come off as sketch. Ask your boyfriend if he thinks its okay and make sure he knows you went out! When you see your friend you can do things such as:
- Getting lunch at a low-key joint such as Bread Co. or Mikey D’s.
- Hanging out with mutual friends.
- Study together on campus.
If you haven’t already, check out our LTCL article, Can Guys and Girls be Just Friends– also has some info on guy friends. I’ts true that reguardless of all this information your guy friend might still like you as more than just a friend. These situations are subjective so you should also rely on your gut feeling. If you are considerate, and you’re boyfriend and guyfriend understand the situation then you should be fine.
If you think we forgot something, let us know with a comment below…
