Posted 11/7/12 by Joseph in Funny

Chipotle: The New Recreational Drug


By the time you’ve been in college for a few months, you have been exposed to different things. I won’t go as far as to assume you have done drugs or partaken in underage drinking, but I’d assume you have at least been around it.

Drugs and alcohol, not to mention the effect they can have on people, are costly recreation and can take a toll on a poor college kid’s bank account.

But perhaps we as a country are looking over a bigger issue, one that is very much legal, that is more costly than a six-pack of beer, and that is arguably more addictive than cocaine.

I am talking about no other than Chipotle Mexican Grill, a popular destination for a plethora of college kids around the country. Don’t take these words lightly. Think about it.

You’re sitting in your afternoon class. Your stomach begins to rumble as you regret skipping breakfast this morning. If you were lucky you had a cup of coffee this morning so you’re at least awake. You are thoroughly spaced out, thinking about which restaurant will get your business instead of calculus, chemistry, or history. This is the “Craving Stage.” Like alcohol or drugs, when you are sober (or hungry) nothing else matters except getting your next fix and when you do…

You enter the “High Stage” of the cycle. While you eat your Chipotle burrito, taco, or bowl, you likely experience a rush of pure elation. You are on top of the world, each bite tasting better than the last. You have no plans on stopping until there is no food left. I believe the proper term is “burrito-holic.” Your stomach and mind are one as they keep telling you to eat. Once done, you decide this was the best decision you’ve made all day, until…

You get a sick feeling. Your eyes were bigger than your stomach and you are now paying for it in the “Hangover Stage.” You feel overly full, possibly even sick to the point that you don’t want to eat for the rest of the day. You begin to question your decisions from earlier, but it does no good. You’ll simply have to wait until the feeling passes.

Practice safe eating. Never binge eat to that point that you are literally drunk off of food. I know you’ve all felt it before. I’ve seen it happen time and time again, with Chipotle a popular substance.

Just try to tell me that Chipotle isn’t a drug.


Joseph is a sophomore at The Ohio State University, studying Finance at the Fisher College of Business while also pursuing a Creative Writing minor. He also writes for Uloop News and has had articles published by the Huffington Post and USA Today College. His hobbies include sports, especially College Football and the NBA.